20 SUMNS: Introducing Michael
When I tell y'all I loved this man in college, but he was dating my roommate then...
He was cool. Everyone on campus seemed to know him. He was a little older. Seemed to have a lot going and I wanted to get to know him, but in college it just wasn't the time. We FINALLY went on a date 5 years after I graduated and here is how it went...
We met (again) on a dating app. I told him he looked familiar and we started chatting. He had a lot of ventures going and it was really interesting talking after so long. For our first date, we went to the High Museum, my favorite. He was so smart. Had so much insight. I actually really loved our date. After the High, we went to Sweet Auburn BBQ. Really delicious food and again great conversation. Tell me why I ended up splitting my favorite pants coming back from the bathroom. He was really funny about it and though, I should have been embarrassed, I wasn't and I really appreciated how comfortable he made me.
We had a second date and this time his organization/ business was having an event I decided to attend. We made vision boards in the park and again I had a nice time! Goal setting, intention, meeting likeminded people, the event was nice. However, I left feeling pretty lackluster about him. Like this is a setting I would really love to be in with a man I'm dating and it just felt...okay. Seeing him in his element was cool, but I wanted to be wowed.
SN: I feel this is a huge problem in dating. You want something to work and feel so good, but it's just falling flat. Not sure, the feels just weren't really there and he really didn't do anything. The initial attraction was mediocre at best and when I'm dating someone new I want to be enamored. I want to be mesmerized and obsessed and with him, I just wasn't. I don't believe in forcing chemistry. The obsession that existed in college just wasn't there and that is OKAY. I think it's better to assess why and move forward sooner, rather than later.
Either way, after the event we went to grab food and this is when I really fell off. First, I had a place in mind, but so did he...and when someone is wanting to go to a specific place I feel it's for a reason. I appreciate thoughtfulness and intentionality in the beginning. That did not seem to be the case here. He then started having some allergy problems, which I didn't mind at first, but then...
He kept leaving to blow his nose, while we were eating. I appreciate the respect. He returned and we had our appetizers and drinks. I had water to start and had finished it and my cup was sitting there on the table. I guess he got tired of going to the bathroom to blow his nose, but idk...I'm super an advocate of keeping shit cute and collected early on in dating. Him blowing his nose at the table was not an issue. I'm reasonable. However, he decided...subconsciously maybe, that it would be cute to shoot his snot napkin into my empty water cup.
Balled up the napkin he blew his nose into and began to "Kobe" (RIP) it into my cup? What would possess you?? I guess my face gave away my disgust, cuz friend...WHAT are you doing??? He was like "oh, I guess that is disgusting, huh?" Uhm, YEAH?
Not only that, but he awkwardly asks about us splitting the bill on a second date that he suggested and asked for a kiss at the end of it all. I just felt like, friend...you're asking for a lot and to me...I did not like the exchange. It's personal preference, but for me...I feel women give SO much throughout the duration of a hetero relationship that the LEAST a man can do is take care of things in the beginning. Again, that is just my personal opinion and desire in romantic endeavors. Alas, the college obsession was gone.
I do wish things would have panned out better as we all do in dating, but it is what it is. I am glad the situation was not overarchingly negative, but it was just not IT and that is okay.
Lessons:
1. DO NOT settle and you should not have to force. Let love flow.
2. Let life work. It's crazy that once I finally had someone I wanted SO bad, I was unenthused. You think you know what you want, but really...you don't.
Appreciate you indulging. Let's toast to love!