20SUMNS: Introducing Luke

Updated: Apr 24

Not this man (PUSHING 40) having a "vibe check" with me as our first outing. *gags*



Now let me explain why I agreed:

1. We had been talking on the phone for a couple weeks. Our first FaceTime conversation was almost 5 hours long. I really liked homeboy.

2. The plan was to go out, but that changed last minute. However, I still really wanted to meet friend in person.

3. He was talking about pulling up to my HOME. Hell no, we had no mutuals. I knew nothing about this man outside of what was on his dating profile and what we had talked about. Still a stranger in my eyes. Instead of him just coming to my home, I agreed to meet at a park near my place.

4. I figured, okay. I can give him this one casual meeting and then the next time, he'll probably take me out forreal.


Now let me explain why I SHOULDN'T HAVE:

1. A phone call/ FaceTime should be all the "vibe check" a person needs to decide if they would genuinely like to get to know you or not. We had enough conversation, he saw what I looked like outside of my profile, and for sure had enough information gathered to assess how a first date with me would play out. He clearly just didn't want to or felt I didn't deserved that.

2. While I was cautious, meeting in these parameters is still unsafe. I would not encourage any woman to ever meet a man for the first time in a private setting. Whether that be his car/home or yours and I feel silly for doing so, because it wasn't an experience worth even a couple minutes of my time.

3. Coming from a man who had dated "ATL elite" "millionaire black girls" it struck me as odd that this was what he wanted to do with me first. According to him, these other women were okay with these lil weak ass car dates (in the name of "spontaneity") and the lie detector test determined that was a lie. I know for damn sure very few grown ass women are agreeing to a car date as a first date with anybody. Maybe the college girlies, but no one with real bills and a real job is making time for some nonsense like that. I would venture to say to the grown women who are agreeing...it is time to grow up baby. You definitely deserve more and if you think you don't, it's time to do some self-reflecting and soul searching. This is a FIRST DATE, COURTING. There should be SOME effort.

4. In my eyes, the absolute ONLY reasons a man would suggest this form of outing is A, he is broke. B, he is BROKEN and afraid of being hurt/ investing in something that won't pan out. Or C, is just not that into you and feels you don't deserve a nice night out. All of which are signs that he is not ready to date or should not be dating YOU.


In my experience, I have found that a man who is genuinely into you wants to impress you. He wants you to have a good time with him and he wants to spend time with you in a way that will have him on your mind long after the date is over. That is not going to happen after sitting in his car. A guy suggesting this knows this and does not care. Let me also say this old ass man tried putting his hands down my pants during this car date. Also indicating exactly what it was he wanted from me. You can't feed me or spend intentional time with me, but have the whole ass audacity to think you can touch my labia??? These mfs need so much that I can't give em. Lastly, while I thought this was just going to be a one time thing...guess what he was trying to do the next time he asked to see me? Pull up on me! If he wasn't trying to spend money and quality time on our first date, what in the hell made me think he would on our second? Needless to say, that situation was left right there after that "spontaneous" car date.


Friends, do not settle for the "predates," the "vibe checks." Someone who values even the idea of getting to know you, getting to sit in your presence is going to come just a little harder than that. If not, he/ she just isn't it. Move along.


Tell me your thoughts. I'm open to all discussions/opinions. Like with most things, dating is not black and white. Every person, situation, relationship can pan out different. Would love to hear about someone finding the love of their life after a car date, a vibe check. While I'm sure it's rare, I know they're out there.


Regardless, I am still/always toasting to love. Hope you are too.



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